Twilight - Quote from Bella, page 140

"Making decisions was the painful part for me, the part I agonized over. But once the decision was made, I simply followed through - usually with relief that the choice was made." page 140 of Twilight.


As I read these words a feeling of envy washed over me. When I was younger.. much younger... I used to struggle quite a bit with decisions I had made. At Bella's age (17 here) I was strong-willed and stubborn, and I'm sure quite prideful. I was carefully considerate at each opportunity that presented itself and I always made my choices on my own, very rarely allowing even my closest friends in on what was in my deepest thoughts. Like Bella, I always followed through with whatever decision I had committed to, but I can't honestly say that I was ever relieved at having made a choice. I often second-guessed my thought processes, although never enough to reveal them to those around me.

I suppose this is one of Bella's characteristics that draws me to her. I think daily about how strange it is that I am so intrigued by Stephenie Meyer's vampire saga. Is it silly for me to feel the butterflies in my stomoach each time I think of Edward? Is it because I'm craving that emotional roller-coaster ride of hormones and excitement from my younger years? No, I really don't think so. When I first finished reading the series I couldn't put my finger on the deep connection I felt to the characters. I certainly wasn't anything like Bella when I was her age... but then again, who of us were? She does however have amazingly mature traits that I admire. Her resolve when making very life-altering decisions, her bravery in the face of real danger, and the absolute love that she offers, not only to Edward and his family, but to her family as well. She doesn't turn her back on her friends, even when we would consider it tempting. All of these characteristics are indicative of a very mature and settled mind, and that's what really draws me in (of course Edward's crooked smile, velvet voice, and quiet grace is an attraction as well).

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