Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Post-Twilight Depression

Having finished the 4 book series yesterday, I have to admit I am feeling a bit depressed. The last time I felt like this was the day after I got married. It seems as though when you're wrapped up in something so wonderful and you don't want to come up for air that once you do, you feel like you're drowning almost.

The post-wedding blues set on once the excitement dies down and you realize that all the butterflies and hours upon hours building up to the climactic event have been quieted. Surprisingly, I had a feeling this would happen once I closed the cover on Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer's final book in the Twilight Series. As I turned the last 5 pages, I felt the dred settling in and almost didn't want to keep reading. However, those last pages were no different than the previous 2000 of the saga and I simply couldn't bring myself to stop.

Never in my life have I been inspired to read a book more than once. I don't seem to have enough patience for flipping pages when I already know the outcome. My life has been changed forever... and on so many levels. I'm already running through my schedule for today in my head and looking for a few moments that I may be able to go back and pick up my now tattered edition of Twilight. The binding has been broken like many of Bella's favorite works and I know that something on the pages will catch my eye and draw me in once again to Edward's mysterious mind and Bella's unimaginable courage and honesty.

Stephenie is probably the most talented writer I've ever come across. It's rare to find such adventure, mystery, romance, intrigue and emotion all in one place.
Here's to not wanting it to ever end.


  1. yeah, I know what you mean. After something really awesome happens you are like "what just happened? Is it over already?"

  2. I'm glad I'm not alone here... I just can't quite get enough and it's driving me nuts!

  3. I finished reading Midnight Sun this afternoon, after spending the last 6 days reading the entire saga. I can't believe how depressed I feel. Almost to the point of tears and nausea... I wish I were joking.

  4. i just finished reading the series again and while its not as bad as the first time around, i'm definitely in my own little depressed pot! Its crazy how I'm not alone and that this book series could do this to all of us.

  5. Oh my god. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I actually read this series because I initially thought I would hate it but I felt I should read before I judged it. I finished it in one week and then I immediately fell into a serious depression. I kept telling my fiancee how silly I felt about being depressed and missing fictional characters. Knowing other people feel this way actually makes me feel a great deal better. And knowing that you can get a repeat experience on a reread makes me feel better too. It just felt like I'd never be able to see these characters again because rereads hardly ever work the same.

  6. Honestly, I am sick of myself for being so shallow and easily tempted into non-reality.

    In my life nothing is missing. I have it all, love, well being, beauty, happiness and the road less travelled...
    I am truely trying to find the real reason why some of us get sucked into this Saga so much, as from an outside perspective it actually is very very silly... Vampires going to HighSchool over and over again..., really ???
    And worse of all, I am hurting the one I love most of all... by being drowned in Twilight rather then spending my time with him... So very irresponsible of me, as he is everything to me.
    I have read this Saga now three times and cannot fathom what is so addicting? And why does one feel so depressed afterwards? It almost feels like all my positive energy has been sucked out of me to the point of nausea... truely perplexing...
    I know I will get over it... again... !!!, but would still like an answer to why some of us get drawn into this stupid reality so much...

  7. Like most of you I feel the same exact way!!! I thought I was a 17 year old maniac for being depressed after finishing Twilight alone and to make it worse I got the music from the soundtrack and was completely brought to tears by it... I hate feeling this way and I wish I could stop thinking about it..it's like living in a fantasy world literally for 3 or 4 hours (me was more like 5 or 6 hours) and then coming out of it and things look absolutely pathetic to how we live now...great job Stephenie, u have us crying our lives away!!!

  8. This obsession, for me, is best described as DEMONIC, seriously! i mean, for something to have that much control over you, doesn't it seem demonic to you?? think about it. if you can't take pleasure in your life, even if you KNOW it has very good points, then the twilight obsession is definately DEMONIC!! the devil is very crafty and has obviously worked his way into the hearts and minds of millions of people through a 4 book series, and he also does it through movies and other books, etc. (i've heard the same thing is happening with the avatar movie). all he wants to do is make your life look crappy... he takes a murderous, demonic, canabalistic creature and turns it into something beautiful and desirable, like a siren or sucubus luring you in with their sensuality and charisma, then destroys your life!!! he makes you hate your own life and want a life you CAN'T have. how sick! LOOK HOW IT IS DETROYING OUR LIVES!!! LOOK AT ALL THE POSTS!!

    i know a lot of you guys probably don't believe in God and Jesus, but i DO, and i am urging you all to seek Him in prayer for this psychotic phenomenon. i truly feel that these books are taking huge strongholds on people's lives and it needs to end!

    i find that i still have the urge to watch the movies and read the books, but the only way to resolve this issue is to FORCE yourself to NOT read the books or watch the movies, etc. and to ask God to help you. that is the only thing that has helpd me, and i promise it will also help you!

    if you need someone to talk to about all this, i would be more than happy to help you with this constant addictive craving. i have created a special e-mail for all of your questions... please e-mail me, i will do my best to give you advice and help you! GOD BLESS YOUR SWEET HEARTS, and good luck!

    e-mail: break-the-twilight-spell@hotmail.com

    p.s. dont be too hard of stephanie for it, she probably doesnt realize what she's doing to people, and hopefully it wasn't her intentions...but even the devil can give marvellous gifts to people. makes you think...

  9. I just finished the series and fell into the WORST depression ever! I am still working my way out of it and have decided that i am going to use it to my ADVANTAGE! I am going to get off my butt and do everyhing in my power to MAKE my world a better place for my family and me...throw my energies into something useful...maybe we all should do the same! :)

  10. Gee, what would I rather do today? schedule the kid's summer camp physicals/pay the HVAC guy for keeping the AC running/ review 2 dozen EOBs from my last hospitalization - OR - imagine that a beautiful, perfect, immortal wants to spend eternity with me.....hmmmmm, not a tough decision there. I have been bewitched by Twilight and feel profoundly depressed that I cannot be a part of that world. It's sad and I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself.
    Heather, thank you for your lovely Twilight blog. I wish you would post again soon.

  11. I am quite relieved (though not fully) that I'm not the only one feeling this way. I'm still not done reading the series or watching the movies (obviously) but I'm nearly 30 years old - married, with a wonderful 19 month old son - and I'm LONGING to be in high school again, to have a chance at love like that again. I love my husband, but I'm not IN love with him. (I settled out of fear of being alone for the rest of my life.) I had a longing, heart pounding, aching, lusting, mind-blowing love once (as a teenager) and I'd pushed it to the far recesses of my mind, trying to convince myself that I'm truly happy with my life now, when I'm really not. Twilight has made me realize this (or has finally made me admit it to myself) and I'm literally SICK with guilt. I LONG to have that type of love again. I'd forgotten what it was like and I want it back so strongly that my heart literally aches like it did back when it was broken, over 10 years ago now. I have become horribly depressed, longing for true love again, but not wanting to hurt my husband and disrupt our family. I got myself into this mess. I must carry out my duty and follow it through, as sad and as sick as it makes me feel. My husband is beginning to suspect something. If I'd never caught the movie on TV I would've kept all of this suppressed in the dark recesses of my mind. But, everything happens for a reason, so this must have a reason too...

  12. Wow, I googled to see if I was crazy or not and this popped up. I can't believe all of the people this "Twilight" depression has hit. It's very comforting to know that I am not the only one experiencing this as well. I thought I was being ridiculous being that I am gonna be 33 years old in a few months and I feel this way about reading a series aimed at teenage girls! I thoroughly loved it and crave more! Thanks to everyone else for posting as well.

  13. I couldn't believe it when, out of desperation, I wrote 'Twilight depression' in the search box and found this site. I am older (and then some) than you 30 plus' and yet still find myself very affected by this series of books and films. I was blissfully ignorant until my step daughter bought me Twilight for my birthday and I thought I might as well give it a try. Well thankfully (or so I thought at the time) my teenage son had the other three so I was able to read the lot in about a fortnight, since then I've bought the films which don't help as they cast those impossibly gorgeous actors/actresses that bring the characters even more painfully to life for us.I can't confess why I am so distracted and restless with life to anyone - I'd be sectioned in minutes so thank you to everyone on this site for making me feel better

  14. I was glad to hear read your post. I am a 34 year old female and have sunk into a deep depression and I think it is due to the books. It isn't like I'm in love with Rob Pattinson or anything, but I cannot keep thinking about the movie, the books and the music. I have gone online for hours watching interviews. I am a strong Christian and am asking him for help every day - every minute. I'm married and have a son I need to get back to my life. I cannot believe how strong these have effected me. It is like a drug. I don't think it is this way for everyone though. They are so young and now famous and they don't even know what these movies are doing to people. These books have seriously messed me up. I just wanted to share and thank you for writing.

  15. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone. I thought I was crazy.

  16. I'm so depressed... I feel like my life is completely pointless! Why can't I have an Edward? Why can't my life have some more meaning to it?? My Fiance is so annoyed at my addiction to this series but he doesnt understand that it is affecting me so much because I feel incomplete. I am not in love with like you used to be and I miss that feeling of true passionate undying love. I had it once and I let it go out of pure stupidity and have never been brave enough to try and win him back. I no longer want to be in my miserable realtionship and It kills me that I want to leave cause I dont want to hurt my fiance. We have a 3 yr old son together and I hate the thought of throwing away his chance of a perfect family life. I will probably just stay miserable for the rest of my life cause I dont want to hurt anyone around me, but its me who's hurting the most right now. I keep hoping that my Fiance will leave so I have the chance to find a passionate true love like Edward. I know he's fictional and no one is that perfect but I know I could find someone who loves me more, who I love more. Why did I ever read this book!! It has brought up all those resently feelings i've had for years and making me want to run away from my life. I'm just glad i'm not the only one feeling this sadness and emptyness. I find myself reading the books over and over just to escape to a life of happiness for a few hours, only to return to my miserable existance and wishing I could change it.

  17. I'm 35. I totally scorned the movies when they came out. I had never heard of the series before but the movies and all the "Team Edward/Team Jacob" stuff really made me want to avoid the series at all costs -no desire to read about high schoolers.
    BUT, about a week ago the only book available was "Twilight". In less then a week I flew through the 4 books, including "Midnight Sun". I LOVED how Edward was with Bella. I LOVED how protective he was of her and how he was always there for her.
    I felt this insatiable need to keep reading the books. It was in the middle of "Eclipse" that I realized I felt depressed. Depressed and restless.

    There is absolutely no denying that the books made me depressed and made me very much wish the Cullens were real. I think the bottom line for me is that I KNOW I have a pattern of escaping into fantasy in my mind. Without warning, I would fixate and waste my life away in fantasy in my head.
    I recognize now that this is a pattern for me. Edward is so good and loving toward Bella. It made me depressed compared to my own life.
    HOWEVER, I forced myself to look at reality. No one would want a vampire lusting after them, popping into windows at night watching. No one would want other vampires out to kill you and your family. No one would want to make the choice of becoming immortal. ALSO, there is no reality there as neither Edward nor Bella have to work since they have tons of money. This is not reality. Edward doesn't have to work, will never get tired, and has a sister who can tell him if Bella is hurt.
    In reality, we have all felt it: You swoon for someone, think they are perfect. Then suddenly one day, you start to notice their flaws. The excitement isn't quite there. They disappoint you. They don't make you feel as attractive.
    The common demoninator in all of this is "YOU". No one can make you happy but you. I've learned to actually communicate and tell my husband when he is disappointing me or not there for me.
    Every day is often the same for me, as well as my husband. Days come and go and I often wonder 'what is the point of my life?'
    But I also know how unhealthy it is for me to obsess and live in my life like a dream walker because of fantasy in my head. Ever heard the lyric:
    "Can money pay for all the days I lived awake but half asleep?"
    I cringe at all the time I spent in fantasy in my head to avoid my own life. I rented Twilight and Full Moon a few days and found myself obsessing over them. It was painful. It was hurting me. So I returned both movies even though they weren't due back yet.
    I am not going to obsess anymore. It's painful to me, wrongly disrupts my true reality by being overly critical.
    If you think you are in a relationship that you don't want to be in, then move on. But please don't base it on completely unrealistic expectations. Even the lust and excitement you felt for another person years ago, by now would have faded.
    If you're with the wrong partner, then move on. But the next person you are with, COMMUNICATING with them your wants and needs AND being responsible for your OWN happiness is what will work.
    Yes, I am sorry I can't see the Cullens in real life and be part of their world. But I also know, knowing me, I would eventually get sick of that as well, and find some flaw likely. I would feel that because ultimately I need to be responsible for making myself happy - not anyone else. If I'm unhappy, then take responsibility for my life to make it more meaningful and accepting my role in communicating with others and accepting reality.

  18. I am a 32 year old female and I was already suffering from depression although it was almost cured. I decided to watch the movies all at once as a few of my friends have been raving for ages about them and the books. I thought they'd be pathetic and stupid, but I was so wrong. I didn't feel the first movie as I did the other two. Then I decided to get the books out of the library.. I am on eclipse now, halfway through I can't stop reading it's always with me. I cry all the time, my depression is worse than it ever was. I think reading that others have this makes me feel a bit less of a freak but still I feel I should be cherishing finding books that are so amazingly well written and enjoy them over and over but I just feel so depressed with my life now. I do not have any feelings of wanting to be a vampire, neither do I want a man who's cold as stone and a bit overprotective. But I do want the intese love they share, the selflessness he portraits. My husband is so upset by my constant crying and talking about just wanting to die, as I feel heartbroken. It really feels like my heart breaks when I think about the final book coming to an end. I haven't been this distressed since I was 22 and the engagement with my then Australian fiancé came to an end, I suppose he's always been my "one that go away". I would love to hear people telling me how they got out of the depression because at the moment it feels worse than dying.

  19. i cannot stop thinking about it, i just was reading some of the comments and was crying. what you all say is so true, these books/films has had an effect so huge it's making me feel CRAZY! i just feel my life has no meaning and its pointless.that what Bella and edward have is so amazing and there life is so perfect and then it hits me that its not real. its bringing me down and its effecting my relationship with me boyfriend as im so depressed and he cannot work out why, seriously cannot stop crying when im alone and i constantly find myself searching twilight stuff and watching the films!! Ahhhhhh

  20. I read many comments, and i have to admit that many of you precisely described the feelings, that appear after seeing Twilight films or reading books.I mean the pointless life we live comparing to twilight and the feeling of emptiness. Just don't give into the depression .. I'm 16 and i have almost got over it (it took only few days).Of course i'm waiting for last part to come on screens (i haven't read the book yet as well). But it's not such an obsession anymore (hope i won't feel the same again after seeing/reading the last part lol).
    I guess i got over it because i found reasons of the obsession. The perfect Twilight life is so thrilling comparing to our daily routine isn't it? Specially the mix of wampires that feel sentiment, passionate love between undead and a human girl, the perfection of their life as we see it,sacrificing in order to save your love (that's incredibly beautiful) and of course moving instrumental part in right moments make us want to live their life, first we feel sad and once we realize that it's unattainable and unreal we become depressed.
    Try to hang out with friends that couldn't accidentally insult you (depressed people are way more sensitive). And for gods sake don't keep thinking about twilight nor watch or read it more than once. You will get over it for sure.

    P.S. Hope you got the thought, English is my 3rd language though.

  21. I grew so depressed that I started actually crying.. And listening to sad, slow songs.
    I mean reading how a human could act like such a monster with out being one,she just keeps using Jacob it, hurts me more that Jacob falls in love with Renesme. I honestly thought Jacob And Bella Were Soul Mates. I am so so so Sad/Mad that Edward turned her into a vampire and got her pregnant!!!!!! :'(

  22. All I know is that my life is changed. I can't live in this stupid world. I want Bella's world. I want things to be different, I feel like that SHOULD be my life! Somehow I'm stuck in this waking nightmare of repetition. My life is all wrong without the Cullen's and Edward and Jacob. I realize I'm crazy, and worse still, I don't care. I want to go back to Forks...I'm counting down until I can go home an open the pages that will take me there. My heart is breaking.

  23. I feel the same.nearly 30 years old with my man of 7 years. No kids or marriage yet. I love him dearly. But watching and reading thet twilight saga has made me ask questions about who I am, what I want from life, why I can't have the romance edward has for bella, why twilight can't be real. I find myself so depressed sometimes and feel worthless. Does that sort of love and protection actually exist? It makes me so down that I don't know what to do. It has made me question my whole life and regrets about things not done. I'm scared I'm losing out on something, like something is missing.help

  24. Gosh, I though I was so stupid the when I got depressed after I read the 4 book series the first time, what did make me feel better was reading the last two book twice right after i finished. Now after two years I read the series again, and I see no hope for any more in the future and I get so depressed. I'm going to try my last remedy again, hopefully it'll help. This book makes me wanna transfer to another high school in a made up town called forks and hopefully have some sweet amazing caring loving vampire fall in love with me and i with him; funny how so close to the end of high school I can lose touch with reality by just reading these books alone. I do have to say, they make me laugh alot! Huge congratulations to Stephenie Meyer, she's a genius... Now I just have to deal with my Post-Twilight Depression (The movies make me feel the same too btw, I guess it's just the plot itself).

  25. i know since breaking dawn part 2 is comeing out soon i have an ach in my chest i cant belive it over :(

  26. Twilight has ruined my life and broken my heart. My life is changed forever. I would rather be dead than not live in the twilight world. Everything in my life looks bleak and pointless. Ive abandoned all hope and happiness for myself. Nothing can ever be like twilight, ever. Its like finding out you have cancer and dont have long to live. This is the shock and pure depression i feel after watching all the twilight movies. I cant eat or sleep. All day every day the twilight music and songs play through my head, i am constantly looking out into the darkness....Waiting. The pain that it is just a story and isnt real is the worst pain ill ever feel. I cant tell anyone for obvious reasons. I want the pain to pass, i want to forget, but i cant bare to forget about something this incredible. Nothing in my whole life has affected me like this. Everything that twilight is , has been my heart and soul and burning desire....Everything...I just want to die...

  27. I think I always knew how much I would love Twilight and just how much it would affect me. That's why I stayed away from it for so long, even purposely avoiding the film when it came on TV, because I knew what would happen.
    Yes, 6 years after the first movie and almost 10 after the novel was first published, last Friday (today is the following Wednesday) I watched Twilight on TV for the first time. Why not? I thought, I can handle it and I'm older now, 30 years old in a month and a half - it won't affect me as much. I can handle it, I thought.
    But Twilight, like Bella to Edward, has proven itself to be my own personal brand of heroin. My addiction began very slowly and then all at once.
    I watched the first one on Friday night and though I liked it, at the end I thought, 'Ah, that wasn't so bad. You can handle it, you're not obsessed.' New Moon was due to be shown on TV the following day (Saturday), so I made a mental note to watch it. Again, I enjoyed it, however, after watching the two films and now slightly more invested in the series, I checked the TV guide and noting that there were no plans to show Eclipse I made plans for the following day to go out and purchase the rest of the series.
    The next day I went into town to purchase the boxset, however when I got home and tried to play it I realised I'd purchased the Blu-ray DVD, which my DVD wouldn't play. An indication that perhaps the addiction was growing is the fact that upon this discovery I headed right back out, on an hour long trip into town, to return the Blu-ray DVD and purchase one that I could play. I returned home and watched Eclipse and Breaking Dawn 1 & 2 in succession. I went to bed on the Sunday night with dreams of Twilight filling my head and Bella's Lullaby playing on my phone, lulling me to sleep.
    I awoke on the Monday in tears and despair, unable to get out of bed and unwilling to go into work. I called in sick. I spent all day Monday watching the Twilight saga from beginning to end and once finishing all 5 films I rewatched the first - again.
    Yesterday - Tuesday - I managed to bring myself to go into work, pretty much constantly on the verge of tears as I made my way in. I purchased the first two books and just about stopped myself from calling in sick to work to stay home and read them. I'm constantly on the verge of tears - I want to be a vampire. I'm fully cognizant of the ridiculousness of that statement - please believe me I am.
    My life appears meaningless to me, with no hope of a life, a happiness and a love as meaningful as Bella and Edwards. I want to be a part of the Cullen family, I want to live in their world. I want to stand beside them, I want to know Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice. I'm so desperate to inhabit that book that my world has turned to dust before my eyes. Granted, I wasn't exactly 'living the dream', but there was hope for tomorrow.
    I know it's doing me no good but I'm going to read the books, all of the books, and am likely to feel even worse at the end of it. I can't stop now though, Twilight fever has got me, hook line and sinker.
    Today at work I Googled 'Twilight Depression' to see if there was anyone else out there going through the same thing and came across this site.
    I know I'm incredibly late to the party but it would be so useful if those of you who posted and suffered from this in the previous 4 years could come back and say that it gets better. That my life will begin to look worthy of living and that this cloud that I'm currently in the midst of will pass. I hope that those previous posters will look at this and smile in remembrance, happy and safe in the knowledge that it does get better, cos right now it doesn't feel like it ever could.